How to Lure In the Elusive Ceiling Turtle

To continue our extremely amusing (to me, at least, and probably Ian) on-going series on ceiling turtles, there may be a point in your life when you actually want, no, need, ceiling turtles in your life.

But Kit, you say, I thought ceiling turtles were a bad thing? Don’t they lurk on your ceiling, waiting for their victims to meander beneath them, before they drop onto your head and nibble your ears? Why would I ever want them around?

While it’s true that the ceiling turtle is a menace, and a pain in the ears, they do have their benefits. You see, the ceiling turtle can also be used to cure eye strain.

It’s true. Very few people can complain of eye strain after a small aerial turtle has eaten their eye.

So if you or a loved one have spent too long staring at a computer, it might be worth your while to lure a few ceiling turtles into your home, even if you’ll have to pay exorbitant amount to have your house fumigated later.

How do you accomplish this, you ask?

Well, you see, there is one thing that ceiling turtles cannot resist.

French fries.

Or freedom fries, if that’s what floats your boat.

I couldn’t tell you if it’s the potato-y goodness or the salt or what, but if you leave some fries out, you’ll have more ceiling turtles than you can train to dance the mamba.

(Only 12 ceiling turtles can dance the mamba at any one time. It’s one of their sacred laws.)

On the other hand, if you don’t want ceiling turtles, you might want to re-think your choice of sides.

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