Posts Tagged ‘what in the world’

Weird Editing Requests

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for not pointing out the fact that April Fool’s Day is on Sunday, not Monday, and invalidating the entire first paragraph of Wednesday’s post. I appreciate it. This way I don’t feel like an idiot and can still pretend that I’m funny.

Onwards.

So, I think y’all know that I am an editor by profession. I work freelance, for the most part, with the exception of a couple of different contracts that I work on periodically. Most of the people I deal with are people who have a single project they need help with, which is lovely; it lets me fill up the time in between my contract work and gives me a wide-variety of things to do, which is always good for keeping the ol’ brain in shape. I love trying something new.

Most of my advertising is done on the internet. If you ask, I will tell you it is because it allows me to serve a greater number of clients, but the truth is that the less I have to talk to people, the better. (My husband often, exasperatedly, asks if I could get any more introverted.) All the places I advertise, I make sure it’s clear that I deal in documents. I talk about proofreading and grammar. I give examples of what I’ve done before – resumes, essays, scientific papers, novels, short stories, newsletters, etc. I talk about word counts.

Most people are literate enough to read these and figure out what services I offer. Some people see “Editor” and don’t bother to look any further. And I swear some people don’t actually get that far.

Weird requests I’ve gotten:

  • There was the guy who wanted me to reformat his phone. The hardware.
  • I get a lot of requests for video editing. Also image editing.
  • Someone wanted me to fill out online job applications for him while he dictated what he wanted to put in over the phone to me.
  • I received a request for me to type up a 75,000 word document from the original hand-written pages.
  • Within the last few days, I had a request from someone to edit their music composition. Not the lyrics – the notes. What does that even entail? I’m still pondering this one because I can’t figure out what they expected at all.

Also, people, if you are self-publishing, I do not need your Createspace/Lulu/Smashwords, etc. password to format your book. You send me your files. I make them pretty. Then you upload them yourself and have full control of your financial and creative material. If someone wants that information – don’t give it to them. I bring this up because I have to tell almost every formatting client of mine this.

It’s been busy this week. Remember: Grammar Week next week! Monday we shall explore the proper usage of speech tags.

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How to Lure In the Elusive Ceiling Turtle

To continue our extremely amusing (to me, at least, and probably Ian) on-going series on ceiling turtles, there may be a point in your life when you actually want, no, need, ceiling turtles in your life.

But Kit, you say, I thought ceiling turtles were a bad thing? Don’t they lurk on your ceiling, waiting for their victims to meander beneath them, before they drop onto your head and nibble your ears? Why would I ever want them around?

While it’s true that the ceiling turtle is a menace, and a pain in the ears, they do have their benefits. You see, the ceiling turtle can also be used to cure eye strain.

It’s true. Very few people can complain of eye strain after a small aerial turtle has eaten their eye.

So if you or a loved one have spent too long staring at a computer, it might be worth your while to lure a few ceiling turtles into your home, even if you’ll have to pay exorbitant amount to have your house fumigated later.

How do you accomplish this, you ask?

Well, you see, there is one thing that ceiling turtles cannot resist.

French fries.

Or freedom fries, if that’s what floats your boat.

I couldn’t tell you if it’s the potato-y goodness or the salt or what, but if you leave some fries out, you’ll have more ceiling turtles than you can train to dance the mamba.

(Only 12 ceiling turtles can dance the mamba at any one time. It’s one of their sacred laws.)

On the other hand, if you don’t want ceiling turtles, you might want to re-think your choice of sides.

What’s Up, Grocery Stores?

Have you ever noticed how grocery stores tend to have one entrance that sits wide open all the time?

This may be a Colorado thing. I don’t remember it being as wide-spread in California.

Picture this, if you are unfamiliar with this scenario: a large glass entrance, with extra wide double sliding doors. What’s on the doors? Nobody knows because they never close.

(Well, here in Colorado, grocery stores do still close on Thanksgiving and Christmas and maybe Easter. I still don’t know what’s on the doors, though, because I tend not to be grocery shopping at that point in time.)

I just don’t understand it. If this were California, it might make sense, because there are large swaths of California that do not experience inclement weather. But this is Colorado. It snows and is cold in the winter, and it occasionally gets extremely warm in the summer. I sometimes wonder if the grocery stores are trying, single-handedly, to even out the weather.

(Though, with the level of air-conditioning they have on during the summer, I think they have the wrong idea of what’s “comfortable.”)

Does anyone have any idea why they do this? Do they do this in your state/country as well, or is it really some weird Colorado thing?

I mean, I just don’t understand why we can’t close the doors in between people. I know they’re 24 hours, but so are Walgreens and some McDonald’s, and they can close their doors. I can’t imagine the amount of energy they’re wasting.

I’m at a loss, Squiders. I mean, there’s nothing like arriving at the grocery store in the middle of a blizzard to find their heat being pumped into the parking lot.

(In their defense, sometimes if it is very windy or very cold, they may close the doors halfway.)